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A long year without MT

Last post 05-15-2009 10:54 PM by azores. 102 replies.
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  • 03-05-2009 7:34 AM In reply to

    Re: A long year without MT

    Bluefish!!!  (Mom2B)

    I remember the birth i think - he was post-dates right? when he came the cord was green?  I remember saying if he could cry and suck he sounded pretty good?  Was that him?  He sounds like he's made amazing progress from the little boy who didn't breathe when he was born!  I've wondered about him so much!

    I'm so glad to "see" you here! :) :hug:

    Bec

    Me 32, DH 41, DD 2006, DD 2010, DS 2013
  • 03-05-2009 8:51 AM In reply to

    Re: A long year without MT

    scientistmom:
    BTW cerebral palsy is commonly thought to be caused by birth.  We now know this is not always the case, maybe not even most of the time.  I just was to put that out there, because so often women are made to feel guilty about birth choices when their baby has CP.  

    Thanks for sharing that!  I think I read that Freud suggested that problems with birth were more a symptom of CP than the cause of it.  I really do believe that to be true in Juju's case.  Especially as I read that certain reflex patterns are to bring on birth (and he was 43 weeks - 42 by u/s).  It's hard not to over analyze everything, but dh and I just made it a rule to repeat "we did the best we could" and move on.  Our extended family is another story, but thankfully they have kept most of their thoughts to theirselves.

    I bet your little guy will be talking soon.  DS1 just had a handful of words for a long time.  We thought DD was holding him back with her incessant chatter.  But when he started talking it was in full sentences.  He's 2.5 now.  I count the length of his sentences now and then for fun - last count was 10 words.

     

  • 03-05-2009 8:53 AM In reply to

    Re: A long year without MT

    worstfriend:

    I remember the birth i think - he was post-dates right? when he came the cord was green?  I remember saying if he could cry and suck he sounded pretty good?  Was that him?  He sounds like he's made amazing progress from the little boy who didn't breathe when he was born!  I've wondered about him so much!

     

    That was him Smile  Nice to "see" you!

     

  • 03-05-2009 12:25 PM In reply to

    • RobsGirl
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-04-2009
    • Mid-Hudson Valley, NY
    • Posts 364

    Re: A long year without MT

    Hi Dawn,

    When I typed her in on Google, she popped up, at least I think its her.  Try this link:

    http://www.facebook.com/people/Chamutal-Isaacs/535749604

    Hope that helps.

     

    RobsGirl, 31
    Wife of one fabulous guy (34)
    Mommy of 3 awesome boys, ages 11, 8, and 4, and a precious 2 year old daughter.


  • 03-05-2009 5:28 PM In reply to

    • azores
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-29-2009
    • West Coast
    • Posts 121

    Re: A long year without MT

    bluefish:

     Ooo, this is so fancy!  Hi, I'm the old Mom2B - I thought I should go with a new name since I'm definately a mom now.  It has been quite a year for me, and I'm really just now finding my new identity.  My 3rd baby was born 11/07.  It was a fantastic homebirth - very easy.  I was planning an unassisted birth, until I had a dream which told me I needed to hire a midwife.  I obeyed, and it was a good thing I did.  Unfortunately, Juju was born completely limp and unresponsive.  His heart was beating, but he was not breathing.  Juju suffered a brain injury which has resulted in cerebral palsy and neurological vision impairment.  The funny thing is that DH and I have more peace about this birth than either of my other births.  We feel that he gave him the best birth possible.  We also feel pretty firmly that we are DONE.  We would not feel comfortable planning a hospital birth, but we feel like our family would be so anxious about any other scenario that they would drive us crazy.  We are contemplating adoption in the future.  I really would like dh to get "snipped", but he won't discuss it.  It's kind of a weird situation - on one hand I feel more comfortable with birth than any time in my life; on the other hand I'm terrified of ever having to go through another pregnancy and birth.

    Anyway, when I say I'm finding a new identity, I'm just starting to realize that I have been called to be a healer.  I have always been attracted to holistic medicine and like to dable with it, but I guess I never put a whole lot of faith in its ability to heal major issues.  When we first brought Juju home, I kept looking to western medicine for direction.  I was shocked to find that they really had nothing to offer.  The sent me home with a screaming, colicky, brain injured infant, and told me "good luck, you've already had your miracle".  It's been quite an emotional roller coaster.  I now spend a large chunk of my day engaging in therapies to heal my child.  At first I think there was a lot of fear holding me back - I was fearful of being guilty of holding on to false hope, of being disappointed in the future.  But I'm starting to step out in faith and believe that the holistic medicine I've been so drawn too all these years really does have the potential to restore health in large measurable ways.  I hope I can use this experience and information I'm gaining to help others down the road.

    I'm still herding goats and getting to do my little midwife stint with them.  I miss most of the births and arrive in time to help with clean up - which is probably how it should be.  I have a couple goats that desire more human support and invite me to their births.  Sometimes I see things that shock me - like the doe who recently started eating her placenta while it was still partially attached to her uterus!!  (But it makes sense; it detached right away after she started doing that.)  My farm blog is www.stillwatersfarm.blogspot.com - there's some goat baby pictures there.

    I'm mourning my youth a little - I just turned 30.  I know it's silly, but I've had to let go of any illusion of still being a kid.  I have alot of responsibilities now.  I know those older than me, probably still see me as a kid.  But from my perspective, 30 feels alot heavier than 20. Smile

    It's nice "seeing" you all again! Geeked

     

    Hello Mom2b!!! I mean, bluefish :D Its really nice to hear from you! Its so nice to hear from everyone, each re-introduction is like a gift :)

    You sound like you have your hands full! My middle son was diagnosed with Cerebral palsy (right sided hemi) at the age of two, and we do weekly therapy sessions with an OT & a PT however I have to admit I havent stayed on top of all the therapy I should do with him at home. My Connor wears a leg brace and a thumb splint. Even with all the improvement there are many issues that could easily be overlooked, time is flying so fast...just incredible.

    How do you do everything you do? I find myself spread so thin, that just last week I contemplated tubal ligation....again, for the 100th time. I cant help imagining the sorrow I'd feel afterward, but if I keep bearing children....I'll fail.

    Today as I mowed the lawn, I thought about what waited for me in the house as my Pete got ready for work. Three kids to feed, no dinner plans in mind, an entire house to re-clean, homework, (already did therapy today), getting the kids to bed....then I thought, I need a break and sat down to visit MT....here I am, really I shouldnt be!

    Any tips on how you multi tasking moms do it without losing your minds, give me a heads up lol ;)

     

     

  • 03-05-2009 5:49 PM In reply to

    Re: A long year without MT

    No tips, I just lose my mind on a daily basis! 

     

    :)

     

    Mary

  • 03-06-2009 7:32 AM In reply to

    • RobsGirl
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-04-2009
    • Mid-Hudson Valley, NY
    • Posts 364

    Re: A long year without MT

    Ha ha!!  That's what I was thinking too, Mary!!!

    A basic schedule does help.  Having a list of daily minimum requirements is a great start to keep your home running smoothly.  As long as you get those minimal things done, you'll be in pretty good shape.  Also, just having a list of tried and true meals that your family loves helps with ideas for dinner.  Before we started school for the year, I typed out a little spreadsheet for meals.  For example, Monday is some sort of chicken, Tuesdays beef, Wednesdays something very easy (because wed tends to be a busy day), Thurs a legume based meal, Friday pizza, Saturday turkey or pork, and Sunday fish or lamb or some other specialty we don't have very often.  I categorized all my recipes into those groups and found I had at least 5 in each, that way we only would repeat a meal every 5 weeks or so.

    My sister put it well in her blog, so I'm not going to type it all out

    http://dutchgirldiary.blogspot.com/2006/09/simple-living-part-1-daily-tasks.html

    http://dutchgirldiary.blogspot.com/2006/09/simple-living-part-2-house-blessings.html

    Hope that helps.  Also, getting children to help is a big deal and can be very helpful around the house.

     

     

    RobsGirl, 31
    Wife of one fabulous guy (34)
    Mommy of 3 awesome boys, ages 11, 8, and 4, and a precious 2 year old daughter.


  • 03-06-2009 11:28 AM In reply to

    • RobsGirl
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-04-2009
    • Mid-Hudson Valley, NY
    • Posts 364

    Re: A long year without MT

    Dawn pointed out the other side of the story so well.  Its so true that everything just gets messed up so quickly after straightening and cleaning, the kids are hungry again so soon after feeding them, the clothes get dirty and wrinkled before you've even finished the current load of laundry...the list goes on and on.  It can get really frustrating and demoralizing.  Sometimes lowering your expectations of yourself is a good thing to do and takes a lot of pressure off yourself.  Busy moms need a lot of slack.  Its not an easy job--very demanding.

    Right now I'm speaking about housework, etc.  We homeschool, and I consider educating my children as my primary responsibility, so I do end up spending a lot of time learning with my children, while I spend less time doing housework.  So what do I do if I don't get it all done?  I leave it.  What do I do if I'm tired?  I sit down and read, or put my feet up.  Our bodies and minds need rest just as much as we need food and water.  I've kind of resigned myself to never staying completely on top of things.  :-)  I have to give credit, though.  My husband is super understanding and helpful.  He helps a lot with cleaning and organizing and does things with the children too.  So having someone around who is supportive and understanding is a huge encouragement.

    RobsGirl, 31
    Wife of one fabulous guy (34)
    Mommy of 3 awesome boys, ages 11, 8, and 4, and a precious 2 year old daughter.


  • 03-06-2009 2:16 PM In reply to

    • azores
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-29-2009
    • West Coast
    • Posts 121

    Re: A long year without MT

    Dawn I'm in the same place right now that you were last year. I'm in the process of trying to figure out a solution, a lot of road blocks to resolve.

    Robsgirl, as far as meals.....everyone in my home eats a different meal...its ridiculous. But it has a lot to do with cp and Aspergers, not to mention my dhs ever changing work schedule. Dh is mostly gone at dinner time, or we have a 3pm dinner....then a second breaskfast at night for the children and I. Connor will eat rice and chicken, Maia will eat a side of pinto beans, with melted cheese/ tortillas. Tyler will eat spaghetti, and dh will eat a pound of beef with bread. I eat whatever I made more of from the meals....lol, funny huh! Claudia gave me great advice to just make ONE meal, and let them eat or not. Claudia said they wouldnt starve, I doubt they would ;) But I havent managed to change yet. My dh gives me a hard time about letting the kids go hungry, then he starts offering doughnuts, candy, soda....he's even gone as far to offer energy drinks!

    Dh micromanaging my managing is a huge issue, ugh....if only I were the large dominating one LOL

  • 03-06-2009 4:18 PM In reply to

    Re: A long year without MT

    I'll tell you how I do it - not that I claim it is anything to emulate!  Our house is a wreck.  DH and I have relented to the inmates running the asylum.  Really we both feel it is nearly impossible to keep it in order while they are all so young and at the stage of constantly dragging things out.  We are trying to teach them, but you know - I have to supervise them for an hour to get a room cleaned up, and then I turn around 15 min later and they've started wrecking it again!!  On days when we stay home (as opposed to days we go to town for therapy), the kids often stay in their pjs all day.  The laundry is never done.  DS1 is still in diapers.  I try to change both diapers at the same time each day.  I gave up on cloth once I realized how much work Juju was going to be.  The kids eat pb or cheese sandwiches every day for lunch.  DS1 was 19 months when Juju was born, so not able to eat all foods on his own yet, but I didn't have time to feed him, so gave him pb every day (later learned you aren't supposed to until they are 2!).  I give myself time each day to do things I want to do.  I completely loose my will to live (for real) if I don't spend time pursuing my own interests.  We just now got respite care through a Medicaid waiver program in our state, and we are really enjoying that.  We don't really get a "rest", but it does help lighten the load a little.  I know DH is really tired.  I know it is hard, but he has to help when he gets home.  It's just the way it is.  When I hear of dads who leave cause they can't handle a special needs child, I just can't imagine.  DH is really sympathetic to what I go through every day.  I have definately had moments when I wanted to just run away.  My love for dh - probably more for the kids even - is what keeps me going.  I could never leave him alone with this responsibility.  I think he feels the same.  We're in this together.  We both cut each other alot of slack.  Birth control is an issue for us right now too.  We don't want to use any known form of birth control, and we don't want to alter ourselves surgically.  We just don't have sex, and when we do use withdrawal.  I tried to get DH to do a vas, but he really resisted.  I don't know what the answer is.  I'm not satisfied with FAM/NFP, but I'm scared of everything else.  I've thought of adding the sponge to the withdrawal during fertile periods.  Maybe that would make us safer.  Another thing is as much as my left brain knows that I don't want to be pregnant.  While I'm having sex, my right brain is all "oh, whatever, another baby, bring it on."  Ack!

  • 03-06-2009 10:07 PM In reply to

    • azores
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-29-2009
    • West Coast
    • Posts 121

    Re: A long year without MT

    bluefish:

    I'll tell you how I do it - not that I claim it is anything to emulate!  Our house is a wreck.  DH and I have relented to the inmates running the asylum.  Really we both feel it is nearly impossible to keep it in order while they are all so young and at the stage of constantly dragging things out.  We are trying to teach them, but you know - I have to supervise them for an hour to get a room cleaned up, and then I turn around 15 min later and they've started wrecking it again!!  On days when we stay home (as opposed to days we go to town for therapy), the kids often stay in their pjs all day.  The laundry is never done.  DS1 is still in diapers.  I try to change both diapers at the same time each day.  I gave up on cloth once I realized how much work Juju was going to be.  The kids eat pb or cheese sandwiches every day for lunch.  DS1 was 19 months when Juju was born, so not able to eat all foods on his own yet, but I didn't have time to feed him, so gave him pb every day (later learned you aren't supposed to until they are 2!).  I give myself time each day to do things I want to do.  I completely loose my will to live (for real) if I don't spend time pursuing my own interests.  We just now got respite care through a Medicaid waiver program in our state, and we are really enjoying that.  We don't really get a "rest", but it does help lighten the load a little.  I know DH is really tired.  I know it is hard, but he has to help when he gets home.  It's just the way it is.  When I hear of dads who leave cause they can't handle a special needs child, I just can't imagine.  DH is really sympathetic to what I go through every day.  I have definately had moments when I wanted to just run away.  My love for dh - probably more for the kids even - is what keeps me going.  I could never leave him alone with this responsibility.  I think he feels the same.  We're in this together.  We both cut each other alot of slack.  Birth control is an issue for us right now too.  We don't want to use any known form of birth control, and we don't want to alter ourselves surgically.  We just don't have sex, and when we do use withdrawal.  I tried to get DH to do a vas, but he really resisted.  I don't know what the answer is.  I'm not satisfied with FAM/NFP, but I'm scared of everything else.  I've thought of adding the sponge to the withdrawal during fertile periods.  Maybe that would make us safer.  Another thing is as much as my left brain knows that I don't want to be pregnant.  While I'm having sex, my right brain is all "oh, whatever, another baby, bring it on."  Ack!

    Bluefish....we used to be so different....now we're nearly identical. Its a difficult journey isnt it. My dh works long hours 10 hour days and thinks I should have the house clean, the clothes all washed, the kids nicely groomed, the lawn mowed....he doesnt support me, he puts me down when things arent up to par. Usually he doesnt say anything, but I can see it in his face. Then when he's in a good mood, he helps. Like today, he gave Connor a bath and dressed him afterward...thats a big deal. Dh goes through moments where I cant believe its the same man, then he goes back to his same habits.

    I'm nursing both the boys, but I'm beginning to think I need to stop even though I'm a huge advocate of child led weaning. I'm depressed to the point of not wanting to live, so I know I have to think of myself right now. I dont even look at it as being selfish, I've been nothing but sacrificial for the last 6 years...if I'm to stick around and raise my children with a whole mind, I need to start caring for myself.

    Pitifully, my right brain says the same gosh darn thing....it infuriates me at a later time.

    Today I installed a temporary fence in the front yard to keep the kids from running into the street, then I fell over it and sprained my thumb in the dark...I couldnt see it and forgot where I put it. lol, yeah!

    Anyway, I'm ashamed at how much I change from month to month. In January we were full on trying to conceive another baby....oh my gosh, ACK is right!!!!

    Whats helping me get through the last couple of days is music, I accidentally found a new artist....just LOVE him! Here is a sample.....the music goes right through me :)

    http://www.playlist.com/playlist/15414053643

     

  • 03-07-2009 7:33 AM In reply to

    Re: A long year without MT

    Dawn, you are not a bad stay at home mom to dislike the drudgery for being a stay at home mom. I think many women feel exactly they way you do, especially those with very young children. The work is non-stop and repetitive. I definitely have felt that way!!!!!

    I think you were a WISE mother to recognize you needed to have some time away from your home/kids.

    My mother told me great advise before manchild was born. "You should always have someting that is just YOURS". So, my music and my doula and breastfeeding activities are "just mine" Big Smile

     

    Mary

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