Ooo, this is so fancy! Hi, I'm the old Mom2B - I thought I should go with a new name since I'm definately a mom now. It has been quite a year for me, and I'm really just now finding my new identity. My 3rd baby was born 11/07. It was a fantastic homebirth - very easy. I was planning an unassisted birth, until I had a dream which told me I needed to hire a midwife. I obeyed, and it was a good thing I did. Unfortunately, Juju was born completely limp and unresponsive. His heart was beating, but he was not breathing. Juju suffered a brain injury which has resulted in cerebral palsy and neurological vision impairment. The funny thing is that DH and I have more peace about this birth than either of my other births. We feel that he gave him the best birth possible. We also feel pretty firmly that we are DONE. We would not feel comfortable planning a hospital birth, but we feel like our family would be so anxious about any other scenario that they would drive us crazy. We are contemplating adoption in the future. I really would like dh to get "snipped", but he won't discuss it. It's kind of a weird situation - on one hand I feel more comfortable with birth than any time in my life; on the other hand I'm terrified of ever having to go through another pregnancy and birth.
Anyway, when I say I'm finding a new identity, I'm just starting to realize that I have been called to be a healer. I have always been attracted to holistic medicine and like to dable with it, but I guess I never put a whole lot of faith in its ability to heal major issues. When we first brought Juju home, I kept looking to western medicine for direction. I was shocked to find that they really had nothing to offer. The sent me home with a screaming, colicky, brain injured infant, and told me "good luck, you've already had your miracle". It's been quite an emotional roller coaster. I now spend a large chunk of my day engaging in therapies to heal my child. At first I think there was a lot of fear holding me back - I was fearful of being guilty of holding on to false hope, of being disappointed in the future. But I'm starting to step out in faith and believe that the holistic medicine I've been so drawn too all these years really does have the potential to restore health in large measurable ways. I hope I can use this experience and information I'm gaining to help others down the road.
I'm still herding goats and getting to do my little midwife stint with them. I miss most of the births and arrive in time to help with clean up - which is probably how it should be. I have a couple goats that desire more human support and invite me to their births. Sometimes I see things that shock me - like the doe who recently started eating her placenta while it was still partially attached to her uterus!! (But it makes sense; it detached right away after she started doing that.) My farm blog is www.stillwatersfarm.blogspot.com - there's some goat baby pictures there.
I'm mourning my youth a little - I just turned 30. I know it's silly, but I've had to let go of any illusion of still being a kid. I have alot of responsibilities now. I know those older than me, probably still see me as a kid. But from my perspective, 30 feels alot heavier than 20.
It's nice "seeing" you all again!