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13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

Last post 01-18-2013 7:15 PM by midwifea. 17 replies.
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  • 01-14-2011 11:46 AM

    13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    Hello. My name is Reyna, and I just found out at 16 weeks that our baby died--between 13/14 weeks.  I was planning a homebirth with a wonderful midwife, and so it feels only right to have my miscarriage naturally at home.  I've had light spotting and cramping (which led me to ultimately have an ultrasound which showed the baby had died 2 weeks prior) but no real blood, or intense cramping. My midwife is giving me some cotton root today to hopefully speed the process along.  I haven't been able to find a lot of information about early second trimester miscarriages that didn't involve a D&C.  Can anyone help me know what to expect? How long will the actual miscarriage take? An hour, two, more?  I'm far more nervous to miscarry this baby than I was to have a homebirth. Any experiences or information you have on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

  • 01-14-2011 8:57 PM In reply to

    • midwifea
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-12-2009
    • Kailua Kona, HI
    • Posts 475

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    Aloha Reyna,

    Heartfelt blessings to you and your family during this time.  To lose a baby is hard at any time.  My advice to you would be the same for birthing.  Relax, let your body do as it needs.  Your job is to stay open and receive the wisdom of this time.  How ever long it takes to pass your baby and placenta is what you need.  Ask for release, and this is hard but, be grateful to your baby for this experience.   Prepare a special blanket to wrap up your baby.  The obvious warning signs are excessive bleeding, fever,  days of labor with no release.  Will your midwife attend you when the birth is under way?  Will your partner be with you?  Light some candles, play some heartfelt music, eat and drink and cry and moan when it is under way.  Some mamas like to sit on the toilet, just as in labor, or rock on a ball on your hands and knees.

     

    With light and love for your baby's birth and passing,

    Blessings,
    April
    moderator

    "The Voice

    There is a voice inside of you
    That whispers all day long,
    "I feel this is right for me,
    I know that this is wrong."
    No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
    Or wise man can decide
    What's right for you--just listen to
    The voice that speaks inside."
    — Shel Silverstein
  • 01-14-2011 9:43 PM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    Thank you so much. I definitely have the support of my husband during all of this, but I had not planned on my midwife attending.  I have taken cotton root over the last 4 hours, and have still not had any cramping or bleeding, which is kind of discouraging.  Being in this state of limbo--not pregnant anymore, but still pregnant, is the worst. I want to honor my baby the best I can, but I am also anxious to get through this. I will take your advice to heart and let this take it's course and just focus on releasing.

  • 01-15-2011 6:33 AM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    My heart goes out to you.  If you have not released your baby yet, perhaps calling upon your midwife for help, as April suggests, will help you with that release and will also provide you with much needed comfort.

    Susan
    Moderator

    I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult. --E.B. White
  • 01-15-2011 9:00 AM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    Hi Reyna, sorry to hear about your baby.  I'm a midwife to the Mennonites and have helped women through at least 100 miscarriages in my 11 years.  Miscarriages are as varied from one to the next, as birthing babies can be.  Usually when I'm preparing a woman, I describe the most "common" type of miscarriage.  Usually, about 4 weeks from the time the baby died, you will start to bleed more than the spotting you've had on & off the previous weeks.  The bleeding will get heavier and you will start passing clots.  This is usually when the cramping turns into actual contractions.  A hot watter bottle to your belly might feel good.  Keep getting up to the bathroom so the clots will pass from your uterus.  Keep eating and drinking so you don't feel faint. (2 women called an ambulance because they thought feeling faint meant they were hemorrhaging).  You might want to keep a bowl in the toilet to collect your baby.  Warning: it might not look like a baby.  Once the bleeding becomes very heavy, almost more than you think you could live through, the baby will pass and the bleeding slows dramatically.  Half of the ladies pass more tissue 3-5 days later.  Out of 100 miscarriages, 2 women retained some tissue.  We knew that because she didn't get her period.  It was easily remedied with some prescription medicine.  None of my women tried to quicken the time of the miscarriage--they all just waited, so I have no advice about that.  Miscarriage can be scarier than birth, but your body knows what it is doing, and trust that.  Joyce

  • 01-15-2011 9:14 AM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    Thank you to each of you for your comments.  There has still been no change.  I haven't been spotting or anything for at least two days now.  My midwife is ok to just wait it out, as am I...so I will just plan to be patient. A hard lesson at this time for me, but I've just got to have faith.  I've put my life on hold for the past several days, expecting this to happen anytime. But with 4 small kids at home already, I have to move on and resume life as normally as I can. I appreciate all the information about what I can expect in the diferent stages, and how to prepare.  That has helped a lot. What a lovely community.

  • 01-24-2011 6:20 PM In reply to

    • midwifea
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-12-2009
    • Kailua Kona, HI
    • Posts 475

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    Aloha Reyna,

    how are you?  Have you birthed baby yet?

    Sending you warm love,

    Blessings,
    April
    moderator

    "The Voice

    There is a voice inside of you
    That whispers all day long,
    "I feel this is right for me,
    I know that this is wrong."
    No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
    Or wise man can decide
    What's right for you--just listen to
    The voice that speaks inside."
    — Shel Silverstein
  • 01-24-2011 8:36 PM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    You are so sweet to ask about me.  I have sadly not been able to miscarry.  I don't know what else can be done. It's been two weeks since I found out about the miscarriage, and it's now over 5 weeks since the baby died.  Both my midwife and the Dr. with whom she consults have told me that the safe window for naturally miscarrying is closing. I have had very haphazard spotting and cramping, but nothing consistent, and I will go days with nothing at all.  It's been incredibly frustrating. I am reluctantly meeting with an OB tomorrow because I don't know that my body can do this on it's own. It doesn't seem to be getting the memo, and I'm ready to move forward.  If I had any indication that something was happening in my body and that this would happen any time soon, I might be able to stand the waiting.  But at this point I'm just lost as to what else I can do.

     

    Frustratedly yours,

     

    Reyna

  • 01-25-2011 9:09 AM In reply to

    • midwifea
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-12-2009
    • Kailua Kona, HI
    • Posts 475

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    Then you must do what you must do.  Remember, when we replace worry or doubt with gratitude it makes the journey brighter,  Please keep us informed.  Your story may help another woman someday.

    Blessings,
    April
    moderator

    "The Voice

    There is a voice inside of you
    That whispers all day long,
    "I feel this is right for me,
    I know that this is wrong."
    No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
    Or wise man can decide
    What's right for you--just listen to
    The voice that speaks inside."
    — Shel Silverstein
  • 01-26-2011 6:56 PM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    April, that was the most perfect advice I've ever been given.  I repeated that phrase to myself over and over again last night while I was in the hospital. The doctor I met with was very kind and suggested we try inducing the labor, so as not to be as invasive as a D&C.  But this experience had it's own set of challenges.  I was in a birthing suite, with everything prepped just like for a birth, except at the end of this there was not going to be a baby to take home.  He inserted the pill, and within a few hours I had heavy cramping. A few hours after that I was in a great deal of pain and felt a lot of pressure. I went to the bathroom, and as I sat down my waters broke and the baby came out too, still connected.  That part was pretty straight forward, but the placenta wouldn't come out as it had detached.  So the doctor had to extract tissue.  I am so grateful I was in a hospital for this, as I would have been very frightened to have encountered this at home alone.  It was a very painful experience, but I did get to see my perfect tiny little baby boy.  I have so much to be grateful for, and I've learned so many things through it. I know we don't always know the reasons for challenges and trials, but I know that the Lord loves us through them all, and if we let them, they can make us stronger, better people.  Thank you for your concern.  I found a lot of help and comfort here.

    Reyna

  • 01-27-2011 12:23 AM In reply to

    • midwifea
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-12-2009
    • Kailua Kona, HI
    • Posts 475

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    What a beautiful story to honor your son. Give to yourself Reyna, you are a wonderful woman.

    Blessings,
    April
    moderator

    "The Voice

    There is a voice inside of you
    That whispers all day long,
    "I feel this is right for me,
    I know that this is wrong."
    No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
    Or wise man can decide
    What's right for you--just listen to
    The voice that speaks inside."
    — Shel Silverstein
  • 01-27-2011 11:26 AM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    And thank you, Reyna, for carrying this little one for the brief time he was within you.

    Susan
    Moderator

    I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult. --E.B. White
  • 01-28-2011 9:56 PM In reply to

    • Aubre
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-14-2009
    • Posts 75

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

     Reading through this thread has been a testimony to faith, compassion, warmth and the power of connection.  Blessings of comfort to you, Reyna, and your family as you navigate this journey.

    Aubre Tompkins, CNM
    Wishing you Shade and Sweetwater
    http://www.midwifeyearone.blogspot.com
  • 02-28-2011 9:38 AM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    I was 14w5d when I lost my first baby, and I did require a D&C unfortunately. Though, they did try to let things work it's own course, I seemed to be in a unique situation they hadn't seen before. My loss was due to PROM. I have no advice but I can offer you sincere understanding and support. Message me anytime, a second trimester loss is especially difficult. *hugs*

    http://medic2midwife.blogspot.com/
  • 01-14-2013 7:02 AM In reply to

    Re: 13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

    I am going threw this right now too. Last week I was 13.5wks pregnant but Wednesday morning I woke up bleeding, apparently my baby didn't mature past 7weeks yet @8.5wks I had my first O.B appt and we heard the baby's heart beat. Emotionally I am disappointed, a little upset. The bleeding completely stopped til Saturday morning when I woke up with excruciating sharp cramps, went to the bathroom and blobs of BIG bloody chunks came out - I think that was my taste of labour.?... After 30mins the pain was gone & I went back to bed, 3hrs later I woke with the same pain etc. This is still going on today, every coupls hrs I get wicked sharp cramps and hugh blobs come out. Emergancy Dept said this normal unless 10days pass. I truly do not like pain-pills but these cramps are brutal enough I wish I had some T3pills.

     

    I have a 6year old, my partner and I have been trying to conceive for 17months with no luck due to having 'poly cystic ovaries' til I tried Acupuncutre, 5 treatments later was a miracle.      

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