Midwifery Today Community

 Hope it wasn't out of place for me to start a new thread. My best to all of you in the 2009 thread and I hope you post here soon.

Been longing for another pregnancy and new baby since 2006/2007. Spent the past few years dealing with managing and corrected self induced secondary infertility (more on this later).

Today I sit 1-2 days past my menses due date, recalling an assortment of symptoms I've experienced over the past two weeks and having gratitude for them all.

I'll POAS tommorow with my FMU.

I've prayed and made promises to God regarding this pregnancy and look forward to embracing it everyday without rushing the experience or complaining about the nuances that go with it. I am so hopeful and optomistic and have been turning inward reflecting a lot this past week. I already feel the extra calm, reserve and tenderness that I often feel when pregnant and I so love it. Goddess, wombman, nurture, mother, all the feminine energy being summoned together to strengthen me for this journey.

My children are: DD's 22, 18, 6 (will be 7 this month) and DS's 15, 5 (six next month). The oldest is in college, the next two in highschool and the youngest two are unschooled/ world schooled/ ecclectically educated at home with me. They have all been the joy of my life, my reason for being, the force that has propelled me forward. I love parenting  as much as life itself and have never been the sort to sit back and ponder all I'm gonna get to do when they are gone. As a matter of fact I often tease them about living with each one of them two months a year when they are grown. The oldest is excited about that idea the teens are like no way you're not old and the younger ones say they are never leaving home to begin with anyway.

Each and every child I've birthed has imporoved my parenting and who I am as a person. So I look forward to seeing what good this one will bring out of me.

In Oct/Nov I started an application for a local CNM program thinking that I needed to stop focusing so hard on trying to get pregnant and distract myself with GRE studies, personal statements etc.... For each month that my menses returned I tried to console myself with the fact that I already have 5 brilliant beings and that midwifery school would be so so rewarding and keep me too busy for a new babe. The longing never left and I never completed the application. Thinking I'd put off school one more year, finish my MBA, continue attending births and revamp some past experiences as a maternal-child educator and jsut go from there. 

Still an aspiring midwife, so I'll spend this next networking, joining birth related organizations, attending conferences and hosting support meetups for pregnant women. hat expensive CNM schoolw ill be there. I'm approachig 40 and hope to be one of those midwive's who can stay put in a community long enough too see two generations birthed in the same family. Maybe of the 20 births I've already attended those little ones will grow up and one day call me to attend the births of their babies. They've all been so special to me that I think I'd even travel to do it.

I know this post is all over the place. Feeling really excited, melancholoy and a little nauseas. Just wanted to get everything out before i go up from the 'puter.

I've considered starting a blog about this experience but then didn' know if that would kinda adulterate the processing I hope to do. Hmmm will have to think about it, really wan things to flow organically, really want to be in full awareness, nt so rushed and anxious. I've birthedn my teens twnties, thirties and now forties. I praise the Divine Ceator for this awesome experience and thank my little being(s) for choosing me to birth and mother them into this reality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lifeAgift,

This thread is only fitting as we've started a new year.  :-)  It sounds as though a congratulations may be in order.  :-)  I'll be looking for your test results tomorrow.  :-)

Much of what you said resonates with me as having babies and mothering is so dear to my heart and, I believe, always will be even if I decide that this is enough (I have a baby girl due in 2 1/2 weeks).  Every one of my children has changed me, changed my world, and I have no qualms about "giving up" certain aspirations for the sake my family and my home.  I know that if I stop having babies now, I'll need to have some involvement in birth somehow.  Don't know what is, but it is part of who I am.  Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a mother, I've loved babies and been intrigued by pregnant women.  When I went to nursing school, I really really wanted to land a job in L and D, only to give in to practicality and get a job in geriatrics (which was also very rewarding, but not the desire of my heart).  Then as I began having babies after my husband and I were married, it became almost an obsession at times because we ran into several difficulties in conceiving and staying pregnant.  Now my body is tired and I have certain health issues that would be worsened by yet another pregnancy and I want to have at least a long break so I can restore and rebuild.  But I still don't know yet whether it will be another child that will be in my future, becoming educated in the birth field, or some other path that God would have for me after that.  We will see.  I'm open. 

I wish you well and anyone else who is now TTC or expecting in 2010.

LifeAgift

New thread very fitting!! Two thousand and ten! Good year to have a baby

IBlessings on your young pregnancy!

 

Robsgirl, good to read your "I'm open" - OPEN is the mantra at this moment, is it not??

 

Both your thoughts and feelings about parenting resonate with me. Having children makes me a better person every day. I am so so thankful they are here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chamutal...in the 2009 thread you asked: "Tell us more about the herbal formula?"...figured I'd address the question here since a new thread has been started : ) The formula was designed and has been used for many years by Polly-Jean Block a renowned midwife and birth educator. Her book was the first one I ever read on midwifery and home birth (over 12yrs ago now). The formula contains: squawvine, blessed thistle, false unicorn, wild ginger, wild yam, blue cohosh, red raspberry leaf, motherwort, lobelia, and bayberry root bark. It is a 5wk formula to be started at 35wks and can be continued into the first week postpartum. I used it with my last pregnancy and felt it really helped labor and postpartum recovery. My labor was shorter with strong, effective, contractions but very little to no pain until slightly over an hour before delivery. Typically I flow for 12wks postpartum but I only flowed lightly for 3wks. I have used 5W for several of my pregnancies and noticed a huge difference with Polly-Jean's formula...the 5W caused A LOT of uncomfortable BHs and didn't seem to do a whole lot of anything else! I have also used Shonda Parker's herbal formula which did seem to reduce the amount of after-birth bleeding...not sure if it helped my labor or not since baby was posterior and turned 10mins before delivering after 26hrs of a difficult labor : ) Anyway, I recommend it and am planning on using it again. My body felt "strong" and like it was doing what it was supposed to...I hadn't felt that way with my first 5 births.

Just copying a post from the other thread

Chamutal I talked to my GP about progesterone after my losses earlier last year and he gave me a similar response (well, he said that he wouldn't medicate for something he didn't know was true and that it's not normal to do so in the UK).  In fact i had very low hcg and the second loss took a while, so i think he was right and my progesterone was actually fine.

Was your progesterone low with your term-babies too?  Or only your losses?  And was it diagnosed as low, or just that you have your numbers and see that it's the lower end of normal?  Because i know my GP is basically unwilling to treat most anything that was going on with DD (like relatively low hcg) because it obviously had no impact on the outcome and thus he figures isn't causing miscarriages.  He said hormone levels have such broad "normal" ranges that it was no use to try to treat people when they're within them, especially when it comes to fertility which is still an incredibly inexact science.

However i do think you've had enough losses to qualify for Early Pregnancy Assessment (not sure of your local hospital's procedure but here you can have your GP refer or you can self-refer).  They are for people who don't necessarily need fertility assistance but would benefit from extra testing (for example my friend who had cervical surgery has EPU assessments every 2 weeks to make sure her cervix looks ok up until 16 weeks, and another friend had a diseased fallopian tube removed during her 1st pregnancy and will have weekly assessments at EPU when she next falls PG to make sure the pregnancy isn't ectopic).  I'm certain after several losses you could self-refer and have progesterone tested as soon as you get 2 lines this time.  Or your GP can do this if they are willing (if they're not consider seeing someone else, perhaps a woman with kids (wish it didn't make a difference but it does) to see for pregnancy-related things).

Treasures - i'm glad your energy is back.  Your ulcer-like symptoms sound awful!  I have standard pregnancy reflux, which feels like nothing i swallow feels swallowed, and slides back up my throat for about an hour after meals.  It rarely burns however (though it has me well-trained and i'm avoiding anything which would cause acidic burning - fizzy drinks are the worst for that and i REALLY miss them, even fruit juice and fizzy table water makes me burn...).  How often are your thyroid bloods taken?  Here it's standard practice to have TFT's and TSH taken every 4 weeks throughout ttc and pregnancy and at least twice after the birth.

It's interesting to me to read about other ladies' reactions to pregnancy after loss.  The last 3 days i have been feeling bigger kicks which can be felt by hand from the outside, and i think i am just beginning to think that yes, i'm going to have a baby.  I certainly didn't "believe" for long during early pregnancy and felt my thoughts and moods were way out of whack with it all as i was keeping myself disconnected from the baby i guess to save myself pain?  I can remember saying to DH if i lost this one i'd be so angry i'd gone through weeks of morning sickness "for nothing" - i feel terrible about that now, but at the time i was very accepting of "a pregnancy" and completely in denial about that meaning and ACTUAL baby.  It's only the heartbeats (13 and 17 weeks) and the scan (15weeks) and now the more and more obvious movements which make me think of an actual little person in there wriggling about.

With DD i was able to talk to my belly from WAY before she even had hearing, but with this one i'm only just beginning to be able to converse.  I'm confident that by the birth i will be fully present in the concept of another wee person, and i don't regret that i fell pregnant so very quickly after my last loss, but it has been a different journey to the one i had with DD.

So we have properly moved to this thread now?

Bec, you gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.

Was it also low with the stayers... hmmm ... Not sure about my firstborn, need to check my chart. DD was good, high temp, seconed jump in temp and staying very high. DS was ok ish. I mean my temperature more than anything else as I never had blood test.

The main issue is very short luteal phase. Six or seven days and then a drop in progesterone. But all in all I do feel that a good healthy pregnancy should make it's own progesterone well.  That's my hope anyway... But I do think that some pregnancies are borderline, (I think this last one was as the line was very strong before the loss) and for these, progesterone could be good.

Will think about it...

 

 

I wish I could advise you on the progesterone, Chamutal.  I don't know how you could get it if its not a well-known practice there.  That's unfortunate.  There are creams that one can get over the counter without a prescription, but they are not very strong.  Almost every nutritional supplement here in the US makes their own version, and I think the creams are probably available there too (check on the Pro-Gest brand).  A double dose of the cream (about 40mg) twice a day would be great for luteal support, but then about twice as much (100mg twice a day, and vaginally) would be better for pregnancy support.  I recommend the gelcaps normally used for oral use, used vaginally instead (commonly done here).  Its called Prometrium here, but I think there is a generic available in UK called Microgest.  It was very effective for me and much less messy than other forms.  There's something about it being administered vaginally that gets it directly to the uterus where it is needed.  There are online pharmacies that you can get it from, but at a pretty penny, and I don't know if these places are legal or not.  What if you tried calling up your local drug store and ask them if they carry the Microgest (usually comes in 100 or 200mg capsules), and then hope and pray that you can find someone to prescribe it to you?  My guess is that you would be better off with a midwife with presciptive privileges or an OB, or even someone specializing in recurrent miscarriage.  Some doctors here totally reject the idea of progesterone doing any good and don't prescribe it.  But then there are many more who believe that it does no harm (its a natural, bio-identical form of progesterone) and it could potentially be helpful, so why not?!  Most women seeing specialists for fertility problems and recurrent miscarriage use it here.

I had a rather weird night.  I felt on edge with a few really intense and crampy contractions before I went to sleep last night.  It upset my bowels too (sorry, TMI).  I did go to sleep and slept alright until about 5:30 when I felt the same sort of contractions again and the bowel urgency.  I had a night sweat around then too.  I managed to relax and go to sleep until 8:30 AM, but it was enough for me to put my midwives on alert.  I've been pretty normal all day, though tired and wanting to just lay low.

Bec, I'm glad you're coming along so well.  I had lots of BH too from really early.  They got really annoying and disturbing sometimes because I had a lot of pelvic pressure and a bearing down sensation along with them, but then around 25 weeks they seemed to normalize and I really didn't worry about them after that.

Journeying, I'm so glad your husband is beginning to feel better and you may soon be ttc.

LifeAgift, any news?

hi everyone! just joining the thread, although we're not going to jump on the bandwagon in earnest until the 2nd half of the year...

we have an almost 3 year old and a 7 month old... i'm still experiencing lactation-induced ammenorrhea and it took me 8 months to conceive my second child (i'm fairly certain i had some annovulatory cycles in there)... so, i'm not expecting things to happen quickly... right now we're not trying, but not avoiding...

i'm dealing with trying to figure out my path... i'm completing my doula training at the end of February, hoping that it will help discern my calling to midwifery... i currently work in an ICU setting, but i am hesitant to make the jump to L&D in case i dislike working in a hospital setting... what i remember from nursing school, i didn't enjoy the hospital model, but i thoroughly love the midwifery model i've had for both my children's births... i'm also trying to find a part time job in my area that will allow me to take at least 2 doula clients a month...

anyway, just wanted to wish everyone TTC the best of luck and those awaiting to give birth the best of luck too... :)

welcome to the thread, borndoula.  :-)

RobsGirl:

LifeAgift, any news?

 Testing delayed on Friday because of snow and not getting to the store. So today with FMU I POAS and got a BFVFL (Big fat very faint line). Never had one of these and I'm 5 days post due for my menses. Though I have had a bit of pink spotting thurdsady nigh and again today. Just a tissue wipe. Don;t have an OB/GYN or regular doc. Had met with a CPM and CNM last year that I was attending on hiring for a homebirth so thinking I'll contact them tommorow so I can order a beta hcg at some point this week unless my flow starts in earnest,  Acutally migh jsut go ahead and get to a regular doc, kinda concerned about my throid anyay so might w=as well get a complete physical plus complete labs and through in the need for a beta based upon no flow.

I've birth five babes and I've never had a negative pregnancy test until these last 6 months since we've been trying. Think this is my third.

I've also never been a spotter during pregnancy and never spotted more than a day befopre actual menses.

Cried thursday when I had the spotting then rejoiced yesterda,y when nothing ever started up on fri/sat, thinking I still had a chance.

I'm gonna hold out on the ticker one more day and see if my flow begin tonight and then I'll take it down. In an odd space right now and have been trying to distract myself with travel plans to an unschool conference in Sandusky Ohio. Actually very excited about this! I've enver had to hope for a preganncy so hard. Never stared at an HPT as if my life depended on it and have only obsessed over tissue wipes when looking for indications of passign my plu and water leaking during pregnancy.

 

UUUUggh. Need to hug. Better log off before I start crying again

 

PEACE

 

 

Big warm hug to you, LifeAgift.  I know that sort of odd space you're talking about, and I wish you all the best for this pregnancy. 

Big hugs again.

RobsGirl:

Big warm hug to you, LifeAgift.  I know that sort of odd space you're talking about, and I wish you all the best for this pregnancy. 

Big hugs again.

 

 Period began in full effect yesterday. Had a big long cry yesterday afternoon and an even longer talk with the Divine Creator.

I'm in a better place today. Embracng my womb and my painful menses. Reflecting on how I'm given yet another chance to improve my diet, listen to my body and smooch with my beloved and try again. This is the second time in about 7months that I prematurely made a ticker. Gonna try to avoid that in the future.

Still need to follow up and have a thorough physical. Concerned about my thyroid and a few other issues.

Thanks all for your encouragement and support.

 

 

 

i am so sorry, lifeAgift...

lifeAgift, i'm so sorry.  Warm hugs to you.  It's so hard when the path to conception is torturous, and there's no way of knowing how close or far the destination is from where one is.  Thinking of you.

Bec

Hugs, lifAgift, I am sorry!!!