Grief, Loss and Trauma

13 week miscarriage imminent--looking for answers in preparation

mrsfussypants — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 18:46:21 GMT

Hello. My name is Reyna, and I just found out at 16 weeks that our baby died--between 13/14 weeks. I was planning a homebirth with a wonderful midwife, and so it feels only right to have my miscarriage naturally at home. I've had light spotting and cramping (which led me to ultimately have an ultrasound which showed the baby had died 2 weeks prior) but no real blood, or intense cramping. My midwife is giving me some cotton root today to hopefully speed the process along. I haven't been able to find a lot of information about early second trimester miscarriages that didn't involve a D&C. Can anyone help me know what to expect? How long will the actual miscarriage take? An hour, two, more? I'm far more nervous to miscarry this baby than I was to have a homebirth. Any experiences or information you have on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

Videos: Love Endures Cancer and The Death That Saved Seven Lives

mybodymyself — Mon, 16 May 2011 21:52:48 GMT

HEALTH
Love Endures Even Cancer
A Story of Life, Love and Cancer

Front: Global Homepage
Donating Lives
Julio Garcia died unexpectedly in 2010. His widow decided to donate his organs to seven different people. And they recently had the opportunity to thank her in person.

Have no clue what to say in both of these situations besides RIP to Mr. Snow and Garcia. Good for Mr. Garcia's to donate his organs as well.

Experiencing missed miscarrage. Cytotec didnt work. Can I still pass the baby naturally?

gidgetn — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 15:43:33 GMT

Please help me. My doctor told me that my baby has no heart beat. 4 1/2 wks ago, I believe is when it happened. The baby was about 7 wks old. 2 weeks ago, the doctor inserted 6 cytotec tablets vaginally. It didnt work. Last week on Monday he inserted 6 more tablets and gave me 4 cytotec tablets to take by mouth 6 hours apart. It didnt work. Last Wednesday, my naturopathic Dr. recommended 15 drops black cohosh drops to begin and then the next hour 15 drops blue cohosh drops and alternate the black then the blue like that each hour afterwards. I started it at the 2oclock hour for 8hrs. It made me so sick. The next day, I awoke at 2am, couldnt sleep, nauseated, feeling toxic and ill all over. I couldnt get off the sofa almost all day- very unlike me. So of course, I didnt not continue the drops. I also tried massaging my outer ankles and 3 fingers above my ankle on the inside of my leg. The nurses were very surprised the cytotec didnt work the first time and were even more perplexed the 2nd time it didnt work. My medical doctor is a gentle soul and said that I could have up to 1 month to allow the baby passes naturally. Clearly from what the nurses said, I dont think the doctor has ever experienced this. He had never even given cytotec orally. So many times doctors and others have said that my case or situation was the only one like it they have experienced. I tried searching and searching and cant find anyone who addresses what I want to know. Can anyone on this forum tell me if it is even possible to pass a baby from a missed miscarriage if cytotec doesnt work. Or is D&C my only option. Thank you so much for any help and guidance anyone can provide

input please!

birthspring — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 17:52:21 GMT

I've been a fan of Midwifery Today for a long time, but I decided to join the forums today when I discovered only ONE post in the Grief, Loss and Trauma section. That's rediculous! Pregnancy and infant loss is terribly common, and birth trauma is even more common. Please share your stories, as a mom, as a friend or sister, as a birth support person or a midwife. Everyone can learn from your valuable expeiences.

I'm a birth doula, childbirth educator, and aspiring midwife. I'm also a woman who has suffered tremendous loss and birth trauma. In addition to early miscarriages, I had a 40 week stillbirth/ hopeful VBAC 2 years ago and an ectopic pregnancy 6 months later. My reproductive organs have been seriously altered by multiple cesareans, uterine and fallopian tube rupture, and DES which was given to my grandmother when she was pergnant with my mother.

I also have post traumatic stress disorder from the multiple birth traumas I've experienced. The abuse I've suffered at the hands of health care providers is much more traumatic then the loss of my children before birth. As a birth doula, I've seen more abuse to my clients in hospitals and birth centers, and a potential stillbirth/ cord prolapse where we nearly lost the baby. I'd say I'm overqualified to discuss this topic.

I vow to try to write some things in this forum that may help others, but I ask something of you. Please open your heart and share. I realize that it is not easy to do, this is a very vulerable topic, wrought with pain and of a sensitive nature. But if you have the courage to share your experiences in personal grief and loss or as someone helping another going through it, please do. You never know how you might be able to help others. Reading the stories of cord prolapse in "The Baby Catcher" prepared me for the cord prolapse that occured just a week or less later. I am forever grateful for her willingness to share her stories.

Thanks,

Sarah in Houston TX, Birthspring Doula Services

Video: One Month OId Baby Fighting Leukemia

mybodymyself — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 18:59:47 GMT

Passing this along to you guys because I found this to important. Got this from couple of my friends on FB (Facebook).

One Month Old Baby Fighting Leukemia
www.youtube.com
VICTORIA - The holidays are a time when families come together, but this Christmas a family from Saanich is being torn apart. Dave and Rebekah Campbell have five children under seven. One month old Molly is their youngest. Molly developed a fever on December 23rd and was taken to the emergen

Video: Burning Desparation

mybodymyself — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:43:27 GMT

Quote

Self-immolation has become a common form of suicide for Afghan women. Photographer Lynsey Addario speaks with women who survived their suicide attempts.

Passing along this video link after viewing this video on NY Times. Unsure on how to put my feelings into words at the moment.

A Mama Died

Brlnbabies — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 03:56:00 GMT

A family friend--grew up with my oldest and spent many a sleep-over night in my house--and one of my students just died, 4 days following the birth of her daughter. I'm: devastated, numb, shocked, reeling. This isn't real. The baby! She must be wondering where her sweet mama is.

A Mother’s Loss, a Daughter’s Story

mybodymyself — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 01:29:32 GMT

Fashion & Style

By ROBIN POGREBIN

Published: April 21, 2010

When her 19-year-daughter Melissa died after a long battle with bulimia, Judy Avrin chose an unusual way to deal with that death: She made a documentary about it.

Saw and read about this in today's edition. What a heartbreaking and etc this is. Commend, Ms Arvin for doing this and good luck with this.

baby

azores — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 00:49:44 GMT

Roller coaster ride. A month before pregnancy I began pursuing birth control options. Before I knew it, I was pregnant! In shock & anger, I did not welcome the pregnancy. About an hour after finding out, my families joy for a new birth overwhelmed me with strength, determination and love. I wanted this baby, and shared the news of our pregnancy with nearly everyone. For the first time in my life, I am left with the uncomfortable job of telling everyone we lost a pregnancy.

I spent more time daydreaming in these last couple of weeks than I did in my last two pregnancies combined. I told my husband how I'd never experienced such sheer joy in pregnancy before. For the first time in our lives, stability wasnt a concern so I could breathe easy.

I told my best friend a few minutes after finding out I was pregnant, that I wouldnt be devastated if I happened to lose this baby since I felt I could not handle another child physically or financially. I feel so guilty over saying that, its as if I doomed myself into losing this baby with all of those awful first feelings.

I dont know if I want to go through this again, but I do. I fell so in love with this 7 week baby, such a short time. I already went bassinet shopping. I already put all the kids sleeping on a nightly schedule in their own rooms in preparation. I took my vitamins everyday, something I never did in previous pregnancies.

I had feared something was wrong since I did not have any nausea. A few days before the spotting began, I noticed I no longer had pregnancy symptoms except for a missing period. Wow, humans are amazing. So back & forth, I am a Libra afterall. I am in awe of myself, this experience has humbled me. I really have no control.

I wont try preventing another pregnancy, and I'll take my vitamins everyday for myself now. To the women that endure multiple loses, I am amazed at your strength. I felt like crumbling, and sometimes still do. It's only been two days, I wonder what the future holds. I wont take the gift of life for granted, ever again. My hormones are loopy. What's strange is still being in love with my loss, I dreamed of a little girl playing alongside Maia.

It is what it is, thanks for letting me vent.

Still born at 31 weeks

laurajulia03 — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 09:27:22 GMT

hello all. my name is laura. may 26th we found out through ultrasound that our daughter at 31 weeks had passed. we dont know how yet. i had her on may 27th. it was a HUGE shock seeing how everything was going awesome. i had a perfect pregnancy all tests were great nothing wrong. we have been ttc for the last 5 years and through a bunch of fertility treatmeants we finally got pregnant with our daughter Isabella Rose. now comes the question i have for any of you that have gone through this or have known anyone to have gone through it. how long after this kind of thing did you wait to have sex again? how long did it take to get pregnant again? did you conceive naturally or did you have to go through fertility treatments all over again. one more question.....how do you keep from thinking about what happened 24/7? it is all i think about is the day we found out she passed and the day we had her. i can't stop thinking about it. if i didnt have my husband i would probably go crazy.

Living One Heartbeat At A Time

Laura

I Didn't Know that I Was Pregnant

mybodymyself — Thu, 14 May 2009 00:31:49 GMT

Please move if this isn't the right selection for this thread.

Basically, it was on TLC a few mo back. Didn't watched it when it premiere because I thought it would be the same. Now, I'm watching tv and flipped on TLC to see whats on to see whats on for the night. Its on.

Have to say its interesting, but of course not interesting. Basically, they make it as an medical event or whatever it should be called. When it shouldn't be.

Think thats it for now.

Healing after attending a still birth

JessicaE — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 20:25:30 GMT

I attended a still birth as a doula about a week and a half ago. The baby died on Saturday, followed by a long, slow induction on Sunday and Monday. She VBAC'd on Tuesday. (Yay for that small/big victory in all of this!)

This was the first still birth I've attended, and I'm having a little trouble processing. I don't really know HOW to process, I think... Can anyone offer some suggestions on healing for a doula after such a sad birth? We found many moments of love, grace and peace along the way, but still. I am having some difficulty.

I am a big believer in bodywork, and have had a 90-minute massage since the birth. I've talked about it a little with some doula sisters. Other thoughts? People keep saying to find someone to talk with and process, but I'm not really sure what to say anymore.

Lost baby at 26 weeks

azores — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 01:34:53 GMT

As some of you know, I grew up an orphan of sorts without many links to biological family. Last year my cousin found me, my mothers- sisters- daughter. She and I have grown close, we both have very similar pasts. My cousin was going through a very rough transition into adulthood and wound up in rehab and then a Psych ward for depression. After getting back on her feet, she wound up pregnant for the first time and fell even deeper in love with her fiance... a good guy, one she only knew for 2 months.

The pregnancy completely changer her, she quit smoking, lost touch with all the "bad" people and began a new healthy lifestyle. She's constantly glowing with happiness, she and her fiance are a beautiful pair. However, yesterday her baby stopped moving after she felt what appeared to be a struggle.

At the ER they confirmed her baby had died of strangulation via cord, though she's still pregnant.

I really dont know what to do to make things better for her, having 3 children of my own...never having lost a baby that far in gestation, and it was her first. I cant help think she's going to come crashing down, becoming suicidal again...and killing the pain with her old ways.

Is there anything you think might work to encourage her? She's getting induced right now, she's going to see her baby boy.

The only thing I can manage to say is I love you and I'm sorry...I dont want to make things worse by being weak.

Any advice is appreciated.