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Being there for a friend's hospital birth

Last post 10-07-2009 6:28 PM by herbwyfe. 8 replies.
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  • 09-03-2009 6:56 AM

    • christea
    • Top 75 Contributor
    • Joined on 07-30-2009
    • Jupiter, FL
    • Posts 15

    Being there for a friend's hospital birth

    Hello ladies,

    Any thought you have on this would be a great help! 

    One of my dear friends was having trouble getting pregnant, so I gave her a copy of "Taking charge of your fertility," comforted her when her periods came and cheered her on when she made new discoveries about her body. I clearly remember pulling into my driveway after a long day at work, having my cell phone ring & there's my friend yelling "YAY, I found my cervix!!!" - this was the one fiertility sign she just couldn't get for months!

    Even before she conceived, she told me that she wanted me to be present at her birth, she told me that I had been such an integral part of the process that I had to be there (that and she's afraid her hubby will pass out). After a lovely 2 week vacation with her husband, she found out that they were pregnant a week or two later and called me right away, reminding me that I had promised to be there for her birth. She and I have discussed what she is and is not willing to have as far as medications and whatnot to a certain extent; naturally we have time to cover all the bases as she's just under 8 weeks now.

    She clearly wants to be in control of her labor to a decent extent- wants to remain as mobile as possible suring labor, etc. As I am not yet a trained doula/midwife/anything are there any words of advice you can give me so that I can be the best labor support for her? How to address the hospital staff to avoid unwanted interventions? I think as things get closer I'll get more details and have her and her hubby write a birth plan, but I know those are not always followed by hospital personell.

    Any advice would be great- As a side bar I've read "Spiritual Midwifery," am reading "Birthing from Within" right now and will read everything else I can get my hands on, so book suggestions are great too.

    Thank you!!!

    Christie
    Aspiring Midwife
    Wife & Fur-Mommy to 1 small dog
    Filed under:
  • 09-03-2009 3:04 PM In reply to

    Re: Being there for a friend's hospital birth

    If she does not want to hire a doula or midwife then I strongly suggest you at least attend a few births with a doula or midwife before your friend goes into labor if you want to be prepared for defending her against unwanted procedures during birth.

    Becoming a doula is not a difficult task. Sometimes you can take a weekend course + attend a few boths.

    The following is a list of doulas in florida who could train you:

    http://www.dona.org/develop/trainer_results.php?region=US+-+FL&doulas=birth&order1=2&x=16&y=11

    Other than that, you could read "Heart and Hands" by Elizabeth Davis, "Birth Reborn" by Michel Odent and "A book for midwives" susan klein

    good luck!

  • 09-03-2009 7:45 PM In reply to

    Re: Being there for a friend's hospital birth

    Two excellent resources for you are Penny Simkin's The Birth Partner and Marsden Wagner's Creating Your Birth Plan.  In fact, it would be a great resource for the motherbaby, too.  Hopefully she and her husband/partner will attend a good comprehensive childbirth class and it's a good idea if you would go with the couple and participate as much as possible. Yes

    Susan
    Moderator

    I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult. --E.B. White
  • 09-04-2009 6:47 AM In reply to

    • christea
    • Top 75 Contributor
    • Joined on 07-30-2009
    • Jupiter, FL
    • Posts 15

    Re: Being there for a friend's hospital birth

     She has asked that I help them choose a childbirth class and go with them, so that was in the plan, and I'm researching what is available in our area now.

    She is still in her first trimester and does not want to read anything that is going to ramp up her anxiety, so I'm pre-reading most of what she wants to read. Thank you so much for the suggestions thus far! I will be working on aquiring those books, and have been planning on attending a doula workshop.

    Any other books or suggestions are welcome, Keep them coming ladies! Yes

    Christie
    Aspiring Midwife
    Wife & Fur-Mommy to 1 small dog
  • 09-04-2009 7:07 AM In reply to

    Re: Being there for a friend's hospital birth

    Ina May's Guide to Childbirth shouldn't ramp up her anxiety.  Neither should Marsden Wagner's book. The first half of Ina May's book is nothing but positive birth story after positive birth story.  Sheila Kitzinger is another excellent childbirth ed author.  Are there Bradley or CAPPA childbirth classes in your area?  These tend to fill fast, so getting on the list or at least contacting them and finding out when/where the classes are would be a good idea.  Both organizations have websites.  Perhaps if she has a lot of anxiety she would like to consider taking one of the hypnosis classes.  It might be a good idea if she chooses the classes herself as this will empower her further.  If she's having angst, it may be because she feels no control, powerless.

    Susan
    Moderator

    I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult. --E.B. White
  • 09-04-2009 11:55 AM In reply to

    Re: Being there for a friend's hospital birth

    I really enjoyed Sheila Kitzinger's "Birth Your Way".  It's about choosing between home, hospital and birth centre birth but it's full of the pro's and cons, lots of practical advice whatever you choose, and lots of lovely photo-stories of positive birthing experiences.

    Bec

    Me 32, DH 41, DD 2006, DD 2010, DS 2013
  • 09-08-2009 5:59 PM In reply to

    • christea
    • Top 75 Contributor
    • Joined on 07-30-2009
    • Jupiter, FL
    • Posts 15

    Re: Being there for a friend's hospital birth

     There are many books that I have been reading that I don't believe will ramp her anxiety, and I will hand over the books, with a mini-preview and she can choose to read them now if she wants to, or she'll wait a few more weeks until her second trimester. I loved Ina May's book, and am appreciating everything else I'm reading as well.

    I am checking on the CB classes available in our area. I would love to get her into a Hypnobirth/Hypnobabies class, but last I checked there was not a Hypnobabies educator in the state, and Hypnobirthing educators were hours away- This was a couple of months ago, so I'll have to check again. I think that the Hypno classes would be very beneficial because of the anxiety. I definitely plan to give her the options, and let her make the decisions between herself and her husband.

    Thanks everyone so much for the suggestions, both for classes and for books. Naturally any additional suggestions are warmly welcomed, and in the mean time I'm going to hit up Amazon!

    Christie
    Aspiring Midwife
    Wife & Fur-Mommy to 1 small dog
  • 10-07-2009 6:28 PM In reply to

    Re: Being there for a friend's hospital birth

    DVDs- It's My Body, my Baby, My Birth

    Orgasmic Birth

     

     

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