Thank you ladies. Mary, be sorry you asked...very sorry just playing xo
It was a surreal ordeal. Tyler my youngest got food poisoning from eating raw pork on Friday. Saturday he threw up all day, bm's were fine. Saturday when I wiped, a light pink residue on the tp. I wasn't alarmed since my last two pregnancies had persistant bleeding. Sunday morning comes and I'm very sick with diarrhea but no vomiting, Tyler is throwing up but not as often.
I was fatigued and highly irritable all day Sunday until evening when I went to bed early with an intense migraine. I let the boys tear the house up since I couldnt not control anything. At this point the diarrhea came about every 10 minutes and bright red blood appeared. The diarrhea was like water, never experienced that before. Constant intense stomach/abdomen cramps, I still wasnt too worried about the bleeding and chalked the pain up to the diarrhea. Then multiple blood clots, then heavier bleeding and I knew I was losing the baby. I was hopeful however, that maybe it was just a fluke like the few hundred other times during my last two pregnancies. The difference however were the heavy clots, and the quickly increasing flow. Then I gave up the toilet and squatted on a towel, my body felt like I gave birth but only saw clots. While I was on the towel, I realized it was really happening. I locked the door and the kids banged on the door, I yelled at them to go to bed. I wept from deep within my gut, I called my husband and pleaded he would come home. Dh couldnt leave, and asked me to hold on he would come as soon as he could.
I went to bed, and felt feverish. I had my three year old Connor bring me water from the sink, then my two year old intercepted and spilled it all over the floor..twice. Tyler then threw handfulls of legos at me while I lay in bed. It was awful. Connor was sweet and tried regulating as best as he could, poor fella.
Then I nursed Tyler to sleep, which made my hormones jitter. Dh came home and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. No way I said. We went to sleep, sort of. In the early am, Connor began throwing up. Tyler was peachy keen, full of energy! I decided I had to go to the hospital, I felt horrendous. I left Pete who slept maybe two hours after a 12 hour shift to care for the boys.
I drove myself to the hospital then waited for two hours before being seen. The Dr immediately said I was dehydrated and put me on IV fluid, which brought my temp down to 97 degrees. They did an internal scan and couldnt find anything but clots. I was sent home, happily I rushed off to see my family. On the way I home I wailed.
My illness resumed along with Connor, though very different symptoms. I stumbled to the bathroom in a zombie state. Stood up and flushed without checking the toilet like I had previous times. I caught a glimpse of my teeny baby, I swiped to try to get it but it was too late. I felt stunned, stupid and beaten. I went back to bed and repeated to myself, "It is what it is, there is nothing I can do. Get over it, get better and take care of the kids I do have!"
I had a complete mental breakdown which I chalk up to hormones, I felt I needed to be boxed up. I injured my pet bird without meaning to, which made me go lock myself up and had my dh come home. Seriously, I went looney. It wasnt depression, it was more like Psychosis.Thank GOD, I didnt hurt my family...my poor bird lost every single tail feather. I was wearing rubber gloves because I was washing dishes. My male cockatiel was being super loud (mating call) in the middle of the night, I didnt want him to wake the kids. I wanted to place him in the other cage away from the female. Usually he hops on my hand, but he was in heat which makes him intensely aggressive and territorial. So I went to grab him, but he got away...in what felt like a half a second, all of his tail feathers were left in my hand. I could not believe it and went into shock. He didnt cry out and seemed fine, but I felt like I had ripped my bird in half. He didnt bleed or anything, but it couldnt have felt good. I now realize, that wouldnt have happened if I didnt have on rubber gloves.
Needless to say, it was the most horrible week in recent memory. My mind is more stable now. I'm having a difficult time handling anything gooey, because I keep having to second look to make sure its not the baby dangling off of my fingers...litterally, going crazy.
Now that I know I am predisposed to Psychosis, I'm afraid to have another child and may get on birth control asap. I can only imagine how I would handle the stress of another high risk pregnancy, or late term loss. The kids I do have wouldnt have the mom they know. I need to wait, years.
Yes, my amazingly personal scary story. The treatment I've discovered that helps is pampering myself. Spending time at home with the kids as though we were vacationing, helps a lot.
Although this is rather humiliating to admit, I realize if I dont admit it I will feel like I'm hiding something... that is a shove in the wrong direction.