My Dearest Laura,
All you can do is live one heartbeat at a time. It is all that is expected of you now. Isabella is there for you,,.ask her to give you strength, ask her to guide you. One day you may find a few beats of your heart have passed and this unspeakable loss was not contained in those few beats. Smile when this happens and know that your daughter will be happy for you too. When time for sexual closeness is right, you and your husband will know, then celebrate your choice to go forward while remembering your loss.
Without knowing your fertility issues it is hard to comment on how you and your husband may conceive again. First, heal physically, Many, many, many women conceive naturally and with ease after a conception aided by treatments. When you are ready you can seek the counsel of your physician regarding conception or trust the divine.
Susan, (Brlbabies) has given sage advice in her post. Do what you must to heal, give to yourself all that you would be giving to Isabella.
Your heart now holds an immense space for your daughter, It needs to grow to accommodate this space and all that she has given you. Growing pains are real. Accept the pain, treat your pain like a baby, care for it, nurture it, coddle it, feed it. One day it will change from a completely helpless infant pain to a toddler pain, then a child size pain and then an adolescent pain and just like a child itself grows up and moves out of the house, your pain will move out of your heart and only pride and love will remain. Pride and love in the knowing that you are Isabella Roses' mama. She chose you for a reason. Honor her and yourself. Your journey is sacred and this journey is not given to the undeserving. You have been highly chosen for this journey.
I have not endured what you have and what you will, endure. I cannot imagine your suffering.
I have though, been privileged to serve other women who have been on your same path. I am not worthy to be counted amongst those of you who undertake this journey. Your place amongst women is of great importance. I honor all of you.
I'm glad you have posted here and if in any moment or way someone here on this board can help you then all the years we have been writing to each other and sharing on this board will be worth it, if it serves you.
My deepest and sincerest,